Our dearest new site is up and running! Check it out here  now must get back to work!

Well, i AM doing Miles' MSc for him since he seems so keen to avoid doing any kind of work (ET must be having an effect on him!)

Therefore i have little time to rant on here as well!

You indiscriminate bunch of melon headed buffoons!

Sorry for the lack of updates. I've been a very busy badger. (secretly attending colin and colins badger baiting anonymous therapy sessions)

Anyway here is something ET found today.

"Aim towards the Enemy."
- Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
- U.S. Army

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are
guaranteed to always hit the ground."
- U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
- Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you
least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of
your unit."
- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just
bombed."
- U.S. Air Force Manual

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
- Infantry Journal

"Tracers work both ways."
- U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
- Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
- Col. David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an
ambush."
- Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
- Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once."
- Anonymous

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
- Unknown Army Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
- Your Buddies

(And lastly)

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
- U.S.Ammo Troop

What do you mean you expect me to do this AND the forums? I'm not B.O.B super badger you know. Bloo£y locals.

IN PRISON you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

 

IN PRISON you get three meals a day.
AT WORK you only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

 

IN PRISON you get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK you get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.

 

IN PRISON a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

 

IN PRISON you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

 

IN PRISON you get your own toilet.
AT WORK you have to share.

 

IN PRISON they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK you cannot even speak to your family and friends.

 

IN PRISON all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

 

IN PRISON you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

 

IN PRISON there are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK they are called managers.

Well, I come back from my holiday and the team have created a new site! I'm almost impressed.

Incidentally Miles, I caught a measly 200 fat americans! That'll be £20

Pictures to follow

-Bilge

 

 

I'm off to the USA for a holiday! Well I say "holiday" I actually have a mission.

Catch as many fat Texans in bear traps as possible inside a week. Miles has pledged 10p for each one and I hope to raise at least £1000 so I will be very busy

Smell you later

-Bilge

I feel the need to recruit a number of attractive ladies to go to the forum and talk to Duzz since he will become very depressed if noone joins his fan club! So if you are reading this please go to the forums!

-Bilge

Well thats what i shouted when ET nearly vaporised me with the spud gun yesterday. 3 foot flame came out the end of it! really unimpressed, especially when i found ET had put a hole through my curtain with the damn thing.

Reckless buffoon

-Bilge

As President Bush so eloquently put it in his address to Congress: 'Mathematics are one of the fundamentaries of educationalizing our youths.' I could not have said it better with a 10-foot pole. - Dave Barry


ET, Miles informs me i may have been a tad harsh on you earlier. I suppose u can stay with us, but no more sending the SAS off on missions without my express permission. This is the closest to an apology you are going to get.

Wheres my suit of armour?? (avec M.P.L.S. Multiple Potato Launch System)

-Bilge

Dear ET,

It is with regret that I write this letter of farewell. It's not that I regret leaving you, but that I regret ever working with your sorry ass, ET. You are so mind-numbingly boring that even your dog falls asleep when you come home. Your presence always made me long for your absence. Working with you scared me: I didn't want to die of boredom. You don't just have a chip on your shoulder - you have the whole bag of potatoes. Indeed, your shoulder was the reason for the Irish potato famine. I've had many feelings during our working relationship that were just simple infatuation, but this hate I feel for you now is the real thing. The singular accomplishment in your insignificant life is the successful dodging of a coat hanger for the first nine months of it. You are the Starship Enterprise of stupidity: going where no idiot has ever gone before. ET, someday, you'll go too far; the further the better - and I hope you stay there.

Yours freely,

Bilge

Well, finally my dreams of being converted into a weapon of mass torment are coming true (the other badgers will be sooooo jealous of me) The Mk. I Badger mounted Spud gun is already in the prototyping stage. Soon I'll have a harness with which to wear the spud guns (if ET is thinking of making a saddle as well for it he's mistaken!)

Now all i need to do is persuade ET to wear the BulletProof vest i stole yesterday and use him as a test subject.

Bonjour

-Bilge

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillage,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, the bitter, and the lager.
Barmen.

-Bilge

In the war against badgers it's best to know who and what you can trust. Goats are one such creature. A very informative article explaining what a goat is can be found here. 

 You've been warned -Bilge

Give a man a match and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life!

Good morning fellow reprobates.

Just to let you know.

I am considerably richer than yeow!

Laters

-Bilge

I have it on good authority that the BW team will soon be ready with the new BBC (Badger Broadcasting Corp) World Service Murder Forecast, think of it as the shipping forecast but with murders, very useful.

Anyway I have just learned that the BW team have dispatched my SAS (Stuffed Animal Squad) to intimidate the killthebadgers crew into puttin us up as a link on their site. I must say I'm more than a little annoyed and ET better watch it I'm onto him.

Cha mone

-Bilge

Finding it increasingly difficult to fit through the cat flap these days, must be all those pie's, i really must cut back. Anyway I've developed a new sport since they payed ET's ransom and brought him home, it doesn't really have a name yet but i'll explain the rules:

1. Wait until Miles and Aimee are out of the house
2. Make sure ET is unaware of your location (this can be achieved by either doing it before midday (in which case he's in bed) or by sabataging his shambolic mess of a car so that he wastes time fixing it.
3. Chew any/all available laundry (even better if its out on the line to dry)
4. Be out on a mission when Aimee and Miles get back. (thus ensuring that ET takes full blame)
5. Return from mission and laugh as I find ET has been tethered to a post in the back garden.
6. Rinse and Repeat.

So much fun to be had. Whilst reinforcing to Miles the thought that ET is in fact a goat! hahahaha

-Bilge

Greetings all,

Who am I?


Well my name is Bilge and I'm a badger.After working for the badger mafia for nearly all my life. I was captured by the Barrington road crew and made into a double agent.

Taking me down was no easy task believe me!! They had to call in Steve Irwin and he wrestled me to the ground and wrapped me up in a tarp ("so I didn't get stressed") and dived on me, however whilst he was doing this he failed to notice the large gathering of squirrel bodyguards that proceded to acorn him to death. By the time the vermin had un-tarped me I had suffocated so they just left me there for me to be taken and stuffed. Now the Barrington road crew have all the local wildlife fooled into obeying me (theres nothing like seeing a platoon of goose stepping squirrels, apparently)

What follows is in this diary is an account of my thoughts and daily goings on.

Enjoy


-Bilge